The adventure of air travel with kids is like no other. Packing takes many times longer because the list of things you need is endless. You're invariably in a rush, and as a result there's always the token item that gets forgotten, which means somewhere along the line you'll have to find a place to buy another one.
That's just the beginning. The airport parking lot rarely has any close spots, meaning you've got to lug yours and the kids' stuff across the whole parking structure. But you'll pay more to do this versus the alternative, which is to park in the economy lot and then have to ride a shuttle (probably standing up because it will be full of people) with all your gear and without the kids being able to sit in a car seat.
You'll probably use the valet outside to check in so as to avoid dragging your stuff throughout the maze inside, but when printing your boarding passes they may tell you they can't print an infant boarding pass outside, which means you'll have to circumnavigate the maze anyway. But at least you'll be without your checked bags at that point. One of those bags, by the way, was probably over the 50 pound limit because of all the kid paraphernalia you packed, when means to save the overage charge you spilled your personal belongings all over the sidewalk to move things into another bag that weighed less.
The security line isn't too hard, provided you can keep your kids occupied while you wait. If they run off, good luck getting out of the maze to chase them. But when you get to the security screeners, watch out. Removing kid shoes and jackets while trying to take off your own while placing your laptop and bathroom items in a bin while trying to fold up a double stroller isn't easy. And those TSA folks are going to rake you over the coals about those naughty liquids you're carrying to give to your kids while on the plane. They will finally let you through, but only after doing an explosives test and checking in with five TSA supervisors.
After the blood, sweat and tears of security screening, you'll try to get the kids tired before boarding the plane. So you let them run up and down the terminal, yelling and probably running into people, but you don't care much. As long as there's a better chance they'll sleep on the plane.
But once on board they don't. Instead of sleeping they want to play with the hair of the person sitting ahead of you. The phone in the back of the seat is fun too because it has lots of buttons. And the lights and air vents overhead can be big attention-getters. But once those five minutes are up you've got to be on your game and break out the stickers, coloring books and maybe even DVD player that you hopefully didn't forget. Whatever it takes to keep them busy. This works until the flight attendant comes by and reprimands you for having so much junk out prior to take off. She asks you to turn off your DVD player and secure the tray tables immediately.
During the safety demo you might get some comedy relief. Once, when the attendant announced to the passengers that no smoking was allowed on the flight, Audrey retorted, "I don't smoke!" As if she were put off by the insinuation. When they spoke about the inflatable slides she announced, "I want to go down one!" And before we took off she asked, "Are we just going to zoom around for awhile?"
Once in the air your youngest will want to patrol the aisles, and you'll be in tow. The other passengers will smile at such a cute sight but you'll just wish you were in your seat reading or watching satellite TV. If you have the unfortunate situation where the airline split the family up due to a seating snafu, at least you can say hello to the wife and other child along your route.
If you get lucky and your child under two does sleep, hopefully you paid up for that extra seat. Otherwise you're a human pillow for an hour or two, and you're incredibly uncomfortable for fear of waking the child if you move or readjust yourself in your seat. You could walk around or stand at the back of the plane but get ready to be hassled by flight attendants if that seat belt sign is on. If you're on a red-eye for all this, well, I'm sorry. You're going to be exhausted.
The descent is fine, if only because you know it's almost over. Unless you're just on a layover, that is, in which case you're ordering a last minute drink for $5. Or unless you have a baby whose ears are hurting from the pressure changes. In that case you break out a bottle of milk or some other liquid (if security let you keep it in the first place) and you keep the kid drinking so as to help equalize their little ears. And if that doesn't work then you're in for a lot of screaming. Ignore the glares from the other passengers - better yet, don't even look at them. They were kids once too.
At the gate you're probably one of the last families to de-plane. Why? Because you were in a rush to the airport which made you late which means you boarded last which means your carry-ons are probably stashed in an overhead bin that's behind you because there was no other space. That, plus your kids' shoes are still off and you have to collect their gear which is strewn about across and underneath several seats. You might also take the time to clean up the food crumbs and hardened pieces of playdough because you feel bad about leaving it for the cleaning crew.
Since it took so long to de-plane, though, at least your stroller will be waiting on the ramp for you. You'll put your kids in there and they will immediately behave like angels and possibly fall asleep on their own.
