2 and a half

The diaper pail

Here's a million dollar idea: invent an odorless diaper pail. No, not one of those that you can go find on Amazon right now that claims to be odorless. One that, no matter what horrific-smelling diapers lie within, actually is. One that, when closed, has something akin to a hermetic seal.

Each Sunday night I take out the garbage and as part of that job I empty the diaper pail. We keep ours outside the back door because of the stench that would otherwise permeate the house. If we could keep it inside, conveniently next to the changing table, that would make life easier, even if only by a little bit.

Some will say we should use cloth diapers instead and, voila, problem solved. We tried it - we bought a bunch of Fuzzi Bunz. My question for you is - have you ever used cloth diapers? Do you like the idea of human waste in your sink or in your washing machine? Do you know what a chore they really are? I recycle and respect the environment as much as the next person does, but cloth diapers are a tough sell.

Something tells me that a truly odorless diaper pail for the consumer will never be. But if you can come up with one it's a million dollar idea. While you're at it, figure out how do one for dog poop as well.

Bath time

Audrey and Grace take baths every two nights or so. It's probably one of the best bonding times they have. 

Tonight Grace thought it would be funny to take a cup and pour water on Audrey's head. Over and over. And Audrey, the sport that she is, didn't mind much. In fact she started pouring water on her own head and face. So it became a big water-pouring session.

Then Audrey decided she'd pour a cup of water on Grace's head. Tears. Not a two-way-street yet, since Grace is only 1. But Audrey didn't push it - she went back to letting Grace soak her with soapy bath water.

What happened when I tried to pour water on Audrey's head to wash her hair? Tears. "Dad, my face is getting wet!" "DAD!! My neck hurts!" "DAD!!!!! Is the shampoo out yet?" You'd think I was an abusive hair-washer. But I'm not. It's just the nature of things. Which means Audrey is a good sister and a normal child.

Poop is news

Poop is news when you have babies. 

Last night a bunch of us went to Benihana to celebrate Grace's first birthday. (Happy birthday Grace!) We mixed rice with some soup broth and placed it in front of her and she ate like I've never seen her eat. Her little tummy was bulging when we left.

"She going to poop big time tomorrow," I thought as we walked out. (I had had a few Mai Tai's so that's truly what I thought.)

Sure enough, when she alerted us that she was awake around 7:30am she had a nice big poop in her diaper. Good news! I changed her, congratulating her as I always do on a job well done, and gave her some breakfast. 

Soon I noticed an odd smell. Had I left the diaper sitting out? No - it was yet another poop, this one about the same size and consistency as the last. I couldn't recall two poops less than an hour apart before. Benihana was working its magic on Grace, and later that morning on me as well, I have to admit.

When my wife came downstairs I announced the news that Grace had done two poops already. Suzanne was pleased.

We're always cognizant of how many Grace does per day and I figured her morning accomplishments were like money in the bank for the next two, maybe three days.

I deposited the diapers in the trash bin on the way to my car. At least I knew no wildlife would attempt to get into the garbage now.

With Audrey it's the same thing except at 3 1/2 she uses the toilet, and lately it's been her and her only using the toilet. The only risky part is the wiping job but she generally gives a decent effort. She always wants privacy and shuts the door and when we ask if she's done she always says "no." Her time on the pot has been lengthening for awhile now - I'm convinced she's sandbagging though. Any 3-year-old can get on and off in a minute or less if she needs to.

When she's done there's always appreciation: "Good job Audrey!" "That was a good one!" followed by discussion: "When was the last poop she did?" "How was it?" "How did it smell?" If there was a newspaper called the Poop Times, such is the stuff if would be made of.

If you have poop stories please comment. But know this - your kids, like my girls, are not going to be happy when they read this when they are older.

Did someone step on a duck?

Literally a half hour after the "who let the dogs out" comment:

Audrey, downstairs, is eating her cereal (with milk this time). Gracie toots again (I guess she has gas).

Audrey to Daddy, smiling: "Did someone step on a duck?"

I don't know where she got "who let the dogs out", but she probably heard me say this once. Regardless, she obviously has the potty humor thing down pat.

Who let the dogs out?

This morning:

Audrey, as she walks over to Grace: "Good morning, Grace!"

Audrey stops. "Ew, what's that smell, Mommy?"

Mommy: "Gracie just tooted."

Audrey: "Did she poop?"

Mommy: "Yes."

Audrey pauses, and then exclaims, "Grace, who let the dogs out?!"

True story.