2 and a half

Moments

Holy crap.

I've been trying to re-format my blog and it's incredibly trying. I swear I'm doing things right but when I hit the "refresh" button... well... it just doesn't quite work. But I'm getting there.

Do you like the lollipops?

There's a definite tradeoff between coding and writing. I much prefer the latter and will leave the former to all the geeks out there when I'm able.

Anyway I could continue on for days about dealing with five kids in a household when you only have two of your own. (See the prior post here.) It's like going from zero to sixty in three seconds. Like eating a 16 oz. steak when you've been a vegetarian for five years. LIke running a marathon when you've only trained for a 5k. LIke jumping out of an airplane with no parachute. Well, maybe not the last thing. But you get it.

I want to tell you this: that Audrey is sleeping in her own bed and going to bed at 8pm or so for the first time in a long time. There was a bit of a co-dependent relationship going on where she wanted to sleep in our bed and we'd let her sleep in ours because we didn't want to deal with the problems it would cause if we said "no" and ultimately we kind of liked having her sleep there because, after all, she's three and when on earth during the rest of our lives are we going to be able to sleep next to our precious daughter than now? Soon she'll be dissing us in favor of being independent.

But in the end it is good. Routine is good. And I can tell she's happier for having a routine.

Meanwhile Grace has moved on to hemp milk from formula as of two days ago. You're going to say, "hemp milk?" Yes, you heard me. And it has no THC for those wondering. None. Cow milk is ok but kind of gross when you really boil it down (don't really boil it). Hemp milk is full of good things for a kid and you can check it out at Whole Foods and it's much less expensive than formula. Grace is still adjusting but she'll get used to it.

Grace also likes so say, "Noooooooo," in the cutest little voice. I wouldn't normally like her saying "no" but it's so fun to hear her say it that I don't mind. Generally it's when something pisses her off and I'm in favor of her standing up for herself, even if it's against me.

Audrey said to me today: "Dad, your yellow chapstick is like Emily's." "Really?" I said. "Who's Emily?" She reminded me that Emily was our babysitter from more than a year ago. "You remember her chapstick?" I asked. "Yes!" she said. "It was exactly like the one you just bought." 

This detail is one nobody would normally remember. My father, after spending a couple days around Audrey a couple weeks ago, asked me, "Do you think Audrey has a photographic memory?" Apparently he had experienced the same sort of thing. It is certainly possible - I've never met anyone, including any kids, who can remember things like she does. Except maybe my wife.

I'm trying to learn to live in the moment so I can really appreciate all these things. The chaos of watching others' kids. The evolution of a baby who drinks breast milk and then formula and then milk you buy at the store. The verbal and cognitive progressions. The times your child impresses you beyond words. 

Because it is easy to neglect them. And in time these moments will be forgotten.

One man and five babies

Actually it was two men and two women and five babies. And now it's one man and two women and five babies. And tomorrow it will be one man and one woman and five babies. And I'm worried it might become one man and five babies if my wife deserts. And she might. But then on Sunday it will be back to the first part - two men and two women and five babies.

Surely you are confused so let me explain. We are hosting some friends from Chicago who are in town for a friend's wedding in Beaver Creek. They have three boys and we have two girls which makes five babies total. I use babies as a generic term here because they range from one year old to four but no matter.

I have never had five babies in my household before, much less three boys. I am a dad to two girls - what can I say? Boys are different. They like things like swords and knives and skateboards and Sponge Bob Squarepants. My girls like none of that stuff. So it's a dichotomy for sure. But I think it challenges my girls.

Grace has her hands full with a baby named Blaise for example. He is roughly 18 months as I recall and this evening he was busy taking her pacifier away while climbing on a wooden bench we have in our house. Grace wanted his sippy cup and she got ahold of it and when she did I helped negotiate a trade - the pacifier for the sippy cup. And Blasie obliged. Good kid.

UPDATE: The day after I posted this Blaise took to something I couldn't really tolerate. At meal time, with Grace sitting in her high chair and feet exposed below, Blaise would walk up and chomp down on her little toes and she'd scream. And he wouldn't let go until I grabbed him and poor little Gracie would be shedding all kinds of tears. He did this several times, fortunately never breaking the skin. I still think Blaise is a good kid - he'll learn. He's tough because he's got two older brothers beating on him all the time.

Audrey is busy with Luke and Hunter who are a little bit older than she is but not by a bunch. They are special to us because I used to feed them bottles when they were *little* babies. Now they are big and can run around and play and talk. And since Audrey can do the same they are like three peas in a pod. The screaming in our basement when they are all running around chasing each other is a sound to behold but the mess left over leaves you scratching your head. At least they are having fun.

Back to the explanation - the boys' daddy left for the wedding this morning. So we're down one. And the boys' mommy leaves tomorrow afternoon for the wedding so we'll be down two. And then it's up to me and my better half to watch five kids for a day or so, which should be really good birth control I figure. Although according to our babysitter from Wednesday night when the adults went out it wasn't birth control at all; on the contrary, she said taking care of all five made her want to have kids (she is single).

There is constant chaos and there is always a mess somewhere but the crux of it is that everyone's schedule is thrown off. Grace and Audrey won't go to bed at their normal times at all. Forget about 8pm or so. Tonight Grace went down at 9:30; Audrey at 11:00. Before you tell me we're not being good parents let me say this - there is so much noise amongst the five that even you couldn't go to sleep until things quieted down. And quieting down amongst a group of kids is like game theory - "I am not going to stop being loud because you won't, so why should I?" And vice versa. And hence things perpetuate until the kids hit the wall so hard that they can't stay awake. And by then all the alone time that the adults hoped for is spent and then the adults stay up too late drinking wine and talking because they need their time too.

But it's all in good fun and for my wife and I it's great to see old friends. In the news next week is more company from California coming to visit with their two kids. Perhaps we should open a bed and breakfast.

To help and back

It is so difficult to find good help. 

Yes, it's a luxury to be able to have help at all, but I'm not talking about a full-time nanny that requires room and board and a salary. I'm talking about part time help - a few hours a few times a week so you can have a break kind-of-thing. You'd think that wouldn't be too difficult to find but it is.

You need someone you can trust - as in someone who was referred by another trusted source or someone who has good references. Most of the time the referrers don't want to give up the person they've found because it was so hard for them to find that person, and in cases where you need references there are never enough to get fully comfortable. 

We almost learned this lesson the hard way a couple years ago in California. We interviewed a woman we found on Craig's list who appeared to have a desired background but when my wife picked her up on what was to be her first day, she got lippy and aggressive and mean and literally had to be told to get out of the car. Thank goodness she never made it inside our home.

The help needs to be dependable and friendly and a good fit for your family too. In California we finally had success with a woman who loved our girls as much as we do. She called Audrey "princess" and helped teach her Spanish and kind of became part of the family. She attended birthdays and other events and she cried when we moved away. She still stays in touch with us and we've been trying to get her to move to Colorado. No luck so far.

The help needs to be comfortable administering discipline but needs to be fun and engage your kids too - think Mary Poppins, although she strikes me as a bit stern sometimes. The person needs to be willing to play games and read books and play outside and then draw the line when it's time to eat or quiet down or take a nap. And he or she needs to keep things orderly and clean too.

It's all a difficult balance. Background, personality and parenting philosophy all matter, as well as the things that are typically taboo in a job context - age, sex and marital status for example. These factors all influence how effective the arrangement will be.

We've been through the process five or six times now and have discovered there are always issues to work through, and in lots of cases the issues are big enough that the arrangement can quickly go sour. Even if you pay an agency lots of money to find the "perfect" fit there's trial and error. 

Sometimes you get frustrated and think that maybe you don't need help. But then you realize help is a good thing and it's worth the time and trouble because sometimes you get lucky and find great help. And then you get to be one of those trusted sources who gets to watch your friends go through the same thing. Poor them, they are going to need so much help.