2 and a half

2 and a half feet

Almost. The latest storm to hit Colorado dumped 23 inches of snow on Boulder and allegedly is moving on to lesser places like Kansas and Nebraska tonight. But I had to post about it given the name of the blog.

There is nothing like global cooling. Wait - did I say "cooling?" I thought it was warming. But Colorado and most of the country had one of the coldest summers on record and we are having record snow storms in October. It is time to go buy two (non-hybrid) Escalades? After all we need one to tote Audrey and Grace around in and another to... drive around and warm the air. Gas guzzlers unite!

But the fact is - it will be warmer by Tuesday which means the snow will melt and we'll be back to dry streets and bare trees. Except for those trees that haven't lost their leaves yet of course. Like the one I posted a picture of on my other blog called "Heavy branches" - the poor tree has lost two large branches so far due to the weight of the snow. If only the maple had known so much snow was coming, it could have shed its leaves sooner. It's going to look so strange in the summer with the gaping hole in the foliage and all.

Yes, global warming folks. My trees disagree.

But the snow is fun. As you saw we built a snowman. It wasn't easy because the early snow that fell was heavy and wet and the later snow was cold and dry. So rolling snowballs wasn't just that - it meant digging beneath the surface and balling up the wet snow and then rolling the ball over the dry snow so it sticks. And then repeat. And then repeat again. And again. Until your back is sore and the snowball is "big enough."

And the repeat again and again and again until you have three snowballs on top of each other that represent a snowman.

The neighborhood kids get to make some money too when it snows. The ones across the street always come over to offer to shovel the driveway and the walkway for example. They charge $20 which is the same rate as last year given that the economy has been in shambles I guess. Had it been 1999 we'd be looking at $40 at least. In either case I think it's a tad expensive but given how much snow we got it's ok I think. They should be compensated for being so willing to shovel when global warming would have predicted that such a big snowfall would have never occurred in October. 

And with all the global warming our sprinkler system froze a couple weeks ago. Yes - it caught lots of people by surprise and next thing we knew there was a stream of water shooting skyward from a pipe outside. A 15-degree night in mid-October? Global warming at its best folks. So we had to turn off the outside water and will now need to call the plumbing and heating guys who will charge $200 to fix it. I had so bought into the idea of global warming! Should there be a government program that pays people back for being so foolish? I am going to need a reimbursement.

The best thing about global warming is that our heating doesn't work very well. It's been so warm that we have to turn our heat up past the desired temp to achieve the temp we want. It's not an old heating system either. It's pretty new in fact. I guess they installed it expecting global warming to take care of the problem.

My hope is that Audrey's and Grace's generation can figure out all this stuff because it's not making much sense. But at least the skiing will be good. I hear the mountains got three feet of snow.

Snowman

Audrey's and Daddy's project this morning. 

Snow days are fun.

Pumpkin carving with daddy

Tonight's big event: pumpkin carving at Audrey's preschool.

It's becoming an annual thing. Here's 2008:

Yes, she's a bit of a ham. Happy halloween.

Teething sucks

It does. Suck, I mean. Not because I'm going through it, of course, but because Grace is. And not just in a routine sort of way. She's got TWO molars coming in at the top of her mouth at the same time. The doc says that's not all that normal. Not rare, but not usual. And the poor thing has been unhappy for a couple weeks about it. 

To validate what the doc said I consulted BabyCenter, which says that molars are usually the last teeth to come in and that it generally doesn't occur until age 2 or so. So Grace is just a YEAR early then. Either that or BabyCenter is wrong. On the one hand I can say my child is an early developer. On the other I can say she's in pain.

Anyway Grace is cranky more than normal. She cries more when she's tired because she can't deal with the discomfort. She wakes up earlier than she normally does. She's harder to put to sleep. She's more finicky about eating. And she wants to chew on stuff she's not supposed to chew on. Oh, and she produces some serious messes in her diaper which we usually discover when we pick her up out of her crib in the morning.

The latter is worth spending a moment on, whether you like to hear about it or not, because it's an interesting subject of debate among the so-called "baby experts." Most would debate the idea that teething causes diarrhea. My opinion? The baby experts are either not experts or have never had babies. Because Grace and Audrey have both gone through the same thing and have exhibited the same symptom. 

And we're not merely talking about "mushy" poop or anything. It leaks through the sides of her diaper and leaks onto her footsie-pajamas and rides up her back. And it smells worse than normal. It's no big deal to us - we're her parents and we'll do anything for her - but that must be so uncomfortable for little Grace. If only she'd do it during the day and we could address things before the leakage and such occurred.

We change her as quickly as we can but it's not just an exercise in changing a diaper. Her entire outfit requires changing. And she often needs a bath. And when you're in a hurry in the morning that puts some time pressure on things. To mitigate the situation a friend suggested moving up a diaper size. Not a bad idea but the same sh*t happens (pun intended). 

Yes, getting two molars at the same time is a powerful thing. At least the rest of her teeth will be a breeze.

Your kids will forgive you

As a dad one of the things I have the toughest time with is letting my girls cry while they're in bed. My reaction is to go pick them up and find out what is wrong and give them something to soothe them like a bottle or rocking them in a chair or walking them around in my arms. And it doesn't matter whether that's at bedtime or at 3am.

Call it the "cry it out" method or the "Ferber method" or whatever you want - I'm not so good at it. And a dad should be good at this, right? A mom is the one who's supposed be the bleeding heart. But that's a stereotype as far as I'm concerned - dads are stereotyped in so many ways. A post on that later, perhaps.

I hear the slightest cry or cough or coo in the middle of the night and wake up instantly, wondering if something's up. There's a practical side to it though - if Grace is crying I'll be laying there for at least 15-20 minutes listening to it, anticipating the next wail, expecting I'll have to get up eventually, and then at that point have to make a bottle and rock her back to sleep. That's probably 40 minutes. But if I get up right away I'll save that 20 minutes and be back to sleep that much faster.

The doc doesn't much like that though. She says Grace should have no issues falling back asleep and if we're getting up in the middle of the night to soothe her it's promoting bad habits. I like our pediatrician - she's good with Audrey and Grace and knows what she's doing - but that's easy for her to say. She doesn't have to listen to it and lose sleep over it.

And then I think - will Audrey or Grace be mad in the morning if we've let them cry and carry on before bedtime because they wanted to stay up? Will they remember or even think about it? But the thing about babies and toddlers is they don't know what's good for them. Hell, adults don't know what's good for them. It's a parent's job to say "it's time for bed." And the fact they are protesting is because they are tired. And if you give in things snowball.

If only they had sleep obedience training for babies and toddlers - because falling asleep is a learned behavior, you know. But letting them fall asleep themselves is a learned behavior for parents too I guess. I'm working on it, and if I'm successful the girls inevitably will have forgiven me for letting them cry because they are so focused on the adventures of the day ahead.

Grace's new car

She's not 16 yet, but... Grace got a new car.

First a balloon, now this

This is insane. Think if you were the baby's parent and saw this happen in front of your eyes. Miraculously this baby survived with only a cut to the forehead.

Vomiting and the science experiment

I was inspired to write this post while reading another post about a dad's baby who puked in the car. If you have a kid and haven't gone through this yet... you will. Just wait. And it will occur at a very inconvenient time. Just like when you get food poisoning or something in the middle of an important work week.

For me it happened on my way to work. I was driving to work in the morning when I got a call from my wife on my cell. Audrey had just puked all over herself on the way to school. The car seat, the floor, and of course Audrey, were covered in partially digested food from that morning's breakfast and remnants of the prior evening's meal.

I was about to say, "I'm sorry, honey - can you take her back home and get her cleaned up?" when my wife demanded I turn around to help her. I was halfway to work on a 10 minute commute - could I get out of it? No, I could not in good conscience. This was when we lived in San Francisco in a house with tons of stairs, including stairs from the street up to the front door, and getting a vomit-covered baby up to the house and then heading back down to clean up the car at a stress-filled point in time wouldn't be much fun. So I met her back at the house.

Poor Audrey - she really was covered. Normally I'm pretty weak when it comes to that sort of thing - the smell of someone else's vomit can make me want to throw up myself - but when it's your kid you'll put up with anything. It must be like the adrenaline rush someone gets when he sees a person get pinned underneath a car and lifts the car up so she can crawl out. Okay, well sort of. Maybe not really.

Anyway - I helped Audrey out of the car and my wife took her upstairs for a bath while I cleaned up outside and I'll be darned if I didn't do a great job. We had to dis-assemble and wash the car seat, of course, but the car smelled pretty decent afterward. I didn't even have access to that sawdust stuff the janitors would use when kids puked in class in grade school. All I needed were some towels, baking soda and a little elbow grease.

But speaking of car messes, my wife's car - as she will attest - is a bit of a science experiment. Only one puking incident has occurred but the foods and drinks that have been consumed, spilled and spread around her car have resulted in some pretty putrid smells.

Once we thought an animal got trapped somewhere in the car and died. The smell was horrible. After a couple weeks of enduring it and hoping it would go away, I took my flashlight and checked underneath the seats and in the back and under the dash and examined the engine compartment (me, examining a car engine, is quite humorous by the way) but found nothing. Then one of us (I can't recall whether it was me or my wife) got close to the floor behind the passenger-side front seat while picking up some stuff one day and got a whiff of a horrible odor. It was the rug. Audrey had spilled something on the rug - probably months before - and there it resided, probably bristling with odor-producing bacteria.

So we proceeded with a thorough professional cleaning and then doused the area with baking soda for several days and eventually the smell went away. But not the problem.

Eventually we ended up with two babies and now the car is doubly full of food and spills. We'll occasionally find a pile of "Puffs" (think, organic Cheerios with ridges) on the floor, or a moldy chunk of a "Z Bar," which is a kid's version of an energy bar, under the seat. There are back-seat cup holders and sometimes I'll find a bottle of milk that has been sitting there for weeks. It's nasty. Dumping the bottle in the sink releases fumes that will melt your nose hairs.

The front is just as bad because the girls will constantly hand food items to you and request other things in return. The to-and-fro gets so busy that the adult stuff and the kid stuff just gets mixed up and sometimes forgotten. So on the floor you may find empty coffee cups that were mostly drank but have a wedge of sugar sludge hardened at the bottom. Or an old banana peel that is black and rotted. The front cup holders may have a sticky film on them composed of a number of adult and kid beverages.

But you know what? Who cares? It's our family car and I'm proud of it. It takes me and my wife and our girls wherever we want to go together and protects us and them from the other idiots on the road. And all it takes is a car detail to get our family-mobile back to as-good-as-new. We may implement a "no food and beverage rule" someday but I doubt it because we'd be hypocrites - we like to enjoy food and beverage while we drive just as much as our girls do. So maybe we'll do this instead - I hear there's a science fair coming up. We'll eat and drink (and maybe even vomit) a few times and submit the car as an exhibit. Maybe they'll fill up some test tubes and come up with a cure for cancer.

Paranoid about balloons

No, it's not a UFO although in 20 years when people have forgotten about this I bet somebody will try to pass this video off as a sighting of one.

It's an over-sized, homemade helium balloon that a little boy in Ft. Collins allegedly climbed into, untied from its anchor and floated away in. And it wasn't just hovering along the ground - we're talking 7,000 feet in the air.

I'm sure you already know most of this as it's been all over the news and it turns out that the boy wasn't in the compartment under the balloon when it landed - he either got out before the balloon rose from the ground or fell out. But anyway I had to post on it since it's close to home (Ft. Collins, where the balloon took off, and Keenesburg, where it landed, aren't that far from Boulder).

There is so much oddity about the whole thing.

The boy's brother apparently stood by and saw his sibling climb into the balloon and untie it, and watched the two rise into the air. Isn't that a bit odd? Wouldn't you walk over ahead of time and say, "Hey, umm, maybe don't do that?" Or grab the rope before it leaves the ground? Or maybe run into the house and tell mom or dad before it was too late?

Speaking of mom and dad, apparently they appeared on the ABC show "Wife Swap," which explains a lot if you've ever watched the show. We're not talking about the sharpest knives in the drawer here. According to ABC's website, members of the family "devote their time to scientific experiments that include looking for extraterrestrials and building a research-gathering flying saucer to send into they eye of the storm."

Nice to know they left one of their experiments - one filled with helium that had a compartment for a human and capable of soaring as high as a small airplane might cruise - tied up in their yard with a rope and accessible to their small children. They may not have found E.T. yet but they quickly are becoming the eye of a decent-sized media storm.

The reporting was odd also. One of the CNN articles I read had a quote along the lines of, "Well, it's a nice day. I'm sure it's chilly at 7,000 feet but at least the weather is calm." I just can't even fathom how that thought would enter someone's mind when a small child might be inside. Maybe you'd think something like, "Wow, if this had happened last week, when we had wind, an early snow and freezing temperatures, it would surely be a disaster. At least the boy has a chance."

I don't know. The whole thing is weird. It's so weird that I think it just might be a publicity stunt. But in either case I'm going to be paranoid next time I see Audrey or Grace holding a bunch of helium-filled party balloons.

American Baby

Look - my girls made the cover of American Baby Magazine!

Just kidding. 

But you can create a cover at Parents Magazine's webiste that looks (almost) like the real thing. Here's one I created in a matter of minutes.

Finding pacies

As I've written, Audrey loves her pacie. We've been trying to wean her off of it for some time and so she doesn't get one at all during the day. I mean, she's 3 1/2 for crying out loud. She'll get out of bed and head downstairs with it still in her mouth and will put up a fight about taking it out but ultimately it's either she puts the pacie on the kitchen counter or heads back upstairs to her bedroom. And she generally complies if it comes to that.

For awhile we were getting her to put the pacie in her bedside table drawer but she generally refuses to do that now in the name of keeping the darn thing in her mouth for just a few minutes longer. I guess it's like chewing gum for another moment or two to get that last bit of flavor. And sometimes she'll put it in one of the kitchen drawers instead of on the counter which means at bedtime we end up in a frantic search for the pacie. Her memory is excellent so I'm pretty sure she always knows where it is - it's just that she likes watching mommy and daddy get frustrated searching for it.

But the best is when she is asleep in her bed and the pacie has fallen out of her mouth, which it usually does after she is completely zonked out. And then she wakes up in the middle of the night and we hear, "where's my PACIE!!!" as if her life depended on it. And if we don't respond the yelling will escalate until Grace is woken up and we suddenly have a house full of tired, irritable parents and yelling and crying babies.

When one of us heads into her room to find the pacie it is almost never far away. It may be under a pillow or beneath the sheets or something but if she'd only spend 3 seconds looking for it she'd find it. But it doesn't matter - it could be floating in front of her face in full view and she still wouldn't "find" it. This is where the princess side of Audrey shows itself I guess because mommy or daddy must provide the pacie to her in order to stop the ruckus. And then it's back to sleep as if nothing happened - for Audrey at least. The other members of the household have to crawl back into bed and find their way back to sleep and if Grace is awake you can write off the next 20 minutes of sleep at least. 

One of these days the pacie will be gone entirely but Audrey can be a tough cookie. She's back in her bed now which is good and I think the pacie will be the next transition. The fact that Grace has one doesn't help though. Perhaps we'll have to bribe her with jelly beans (more on that later perhaps) to break her of it. In the meantime we're spending part of each day finding pacies.

The lunge, the waltz and other oddities

Those of us who have kids do the darnedest things to get them to sleep. You know - a certain routine or movement that helps lull them to sleep that you would only do in the privacy of your baby's bedroom and never in full view of anyone else, lest they'd think you were rather odd.

I think you know what I'm talking about but if not it's things like:

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The lunge. With an awake baby in your arms or against your chest, this is where you bend at the knees, letting the baby accelerate briefly toward the floor and then slow, as if to let her experience a slight bit of additional gravity, straighten your legs once again and then repeat.

There are several variations of this - one where you bend more at one knee each time, creating a bit of a side-to-side motion as well. Or you can bend equally at both knees to keep the movement more vertical. You can also bend deeply or keep the movement more shallow - it may depend on the degree to which the baby is awake - but the deeper you go the more likely you are to see her little eyes get droopy.

You know you're doing it right when your quads begin to burn.

The bounce. Also seen in public sometimes, this rather routine movement is accomplished simply by bouncing the baby up and down in your arms with his head against your chest. You can use your arms, legs, feet and other muscles to achieve the desired effect but I think it is best to keep the bounce subtle, otherwise you can get undesirable results, such as stimulating the baby. That's a no-no and as such this movement should be used carefully.

Walking in circles. This is just what it sounds like. With the baby in your arms you walk around his bedroom in circles, hoping the feeling of footsteps will lull him to sleep. This is fairly effective, actually - after all, the baby got used to the sensation of mom's footsteps for nine months before being born, even if he was upside down most of the time. (I don't recommend holding the baby upside down.)

You can even get creative here and walk in a square on even a triangle or figure-8. Or try walking backward as well as it creates a different sensation for the baby. The world is your oyster on this one.

The march. Think of this as a tamer version of what military guys do. Raise one foot from the knee, maybe 6" to 12" off the floor, and then bring that foot down softly and repeat with the opposing foot. Softly is important because, if you live above someone in an apartment building or have bedrooms on the top floor, you're likely to annoy everyone beneath you.

This can be done by marching around the room or in place - either method should achieve a similar result.

The waltz. This might be out there but after many a fortnight drifts by you get kind of bored with the same stuff - like walking in circles for example. And so you try to be creative. With the baby in your arms you begin to dance, alone in the dark, hoping the rhythm will lull her to sleep. And often it does. I like the waltz for three reasons. (i) It can be done easily in a confined space; (ii) It is easy to remember the steps; and (iii) It is the only dance I know.

The high school slow dance can also work but you likely did that so many times in high school that it's not interesting at all. On the other hand, the tango is probably one to stay away from as it may wake the baby and even startle her.

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Those are five off the top of my head. I was inspired to write this post as I was getting Grace to sleep the other night, her body swaddled in her favorite quilted blanket and her body resting in my arms. These tricks don't work so well with Audrey anymore unfortunately - with her it's an entirely different strategy. I welcome comments from anyone who would like to share other creative ideas, or would like to tell me I'm crazy.

Best friends

Audrey's friend Charlotte to Audrey:

"Audrey, you're my best friend!"

Audrey to Charlotte:

"Thank you!"

That may not be the desired response but that's good.

When Audrey is 25 (or older hopefully) and some guy says, "I love you," she'll be able to say, "Thank you," and walk away. 

Spice

Requested by a friend of mine. "Too much sweetness!" she says, what with all the lollipops and jelly beans I've been putting up. So here are some red hot chili peppers for 'ya.

First (real) snow

Usually Colorado gets its first snow in October. Sometimes in late September, but rarely. The weather goes from 70 degrees (Wednesday) to 30 degrees (tonight) to 70 degrees again (expected next Wednesday) as if to resist the onset of fall. 

Last year on Halloween, for example, we took Audrey and Grace trick-or-treating in the balmiest weather I can remember on October 31. Everyone was in shorts and t-shirts. This year there could be a blizzard; you never know.

Tonight we have friends visiting from San Francisco and staying for the weekend - they were coming in July but decided to come in October instead and perfectly chose the coldest weekend all season so far. But then again, they ought to be used to it. Mark Twain said "the coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco." I once lived there for six years and can confirm that.

Tonight it is snowing for almost the first time (there were a few flakes a day ago) and fortunately we have put Audrey's and Grace's summer toys away - except for the red wagon Audrey got for her birthday earlier this year. 

Here it is, covered in snow and waiting patiently for warmer weather next week:

The jelly bean experiment

Lately I've been fascinated with pictures of jelly beans, mainly because I was trying to find the perfect one for the banner for this blog. But then I liked the lollipops so I went with that instead. 

But just for kicks I stopped today at the candy store in the mall - this place was literally like Willy Wonka's candy factory - and picked up some jelly beans to take a few pictures of. You'd think that sounds easy, but it's not.

First of all you've got to have the perfect mix of jelly beans. Buying a pre-mixed bunch, as I did, doesn't work as well. Check out my picture versus some of the ones online done by the pros. Next time I'll try to be more scientific about the colors, although the beans come out of the damn dispenser so fast that I'm not sure it's possible to get the perfect mix unless you literally count the beans one by one according to your wants. And I'm no bean counter.

Next you've got to have bright colors. The newfangled Jelly Bellys that I bought have all sorts of colors that are more muted and are dotted with spots and other stuff that the traditional jelly beans just didn't have. They may taste more interesting for sure, but they aren't necessarily suited for photos.

Third, you've got to have the perfect light and a great camera so that the jelly beans jump off the page and make you want, well, a jelly bean. I've got a decent camera and decent light and to make up for that sometimes you need to get lucky.

Last, and this involves some luck too, you need to have the jelly beans fall together in the right way. You'd be amazed at how jelly beans of the same color like to hang together. Clusters of them show up everywhere. And when you stick your hand in and mix them up, well, they just gang up on you. But on rare occasions you can beat the odds. I didn't really, as you'll see below. Clusters of yellow and red are pal-ing around together. It's a numbers game.

Ready for the pic? Here it is. Potentially coming to a blog banner near you.

The thing about Boulder...

...is that deer are everywhere. But you almost never see the males. A few days ago three were lounging outside in the morning, which is when we normally see the females. We were all pretty interested, including Audrey and Grace who gazed out the window, and I snapped a photo or two. Two of them are below:

Comcast

I posted the other day on Facebook that, "Yet again, Comcast wins the worst-company-in-the-world-to-deal-with award."

Lots of people agreed, and then a friend requested a blog post on it, so here it is.

Don't mistakenly think that I'm going to tell you that you need to deal with people at Comcast in the same way you'd deal with children. I would never write that. Children are generally fun to deal with. Comcast never is. In fact if children ran Comcast the company would be much better off than it is today. But then again, my girls and most other kids are way too smart to work for Comcast. Comcast would reject them for not being stupid. That's a pre-req for working there.

I have had innumerable bad experiences with Comcast. And as a result I have demanded refunds. I have cursed them silently to myself and loudly over the phone to the point the person on the other end wanted to hang up on me. I do not like them and many others seem to agree.

But that's neither here nor there. I am a customer so I have to accept that they are difficult to deal with and hope they'll get better or switch to DirecTV or something. But in the meantime I can pretend what Comcast would be like if it was well-run and cared about customers. In fact, let's entertain what Comcast would be like if it were run by kids. What would Audrey do, for example, if she ran the place?

Well, as a famous book once espoused, "everything you need to know you learned in kindergarten." Audrey has had a couple of years of preschool already so by that measure she's nearly done with her education. Running Comcast, then, she might apply the following principles:

Play fair

Today Comcast sells you a big package of channels, most of which you don't watch. But because it is a monopoly at worst and an oligopoly at best it does this because it can. And forcing you to buy 50 additional channels because you want to watch one of them isn't playing fair by any stretch. Audrey would make shows available a-la-carte instead. If her customers wanted to watch "Barney" and only Barney day in and day out, for example, they could. They could buy the Barney Channel on an exclusive basis and watch it until they turned purple (pun intended).

Or if her subscribers wanted to watch Barney plus "Blue's Clues" they could buy the two channels and perhaps get the one that shows re-runs of "Scooby Doo" for free, just for being good customers. In fact the a-la-carte offering could take on any number of permutations -- anything would be better than the forced tiers that exist today. 

And on the chance that the Comcast signal to your house is bad, Audrey's Comcast would provide a complimentary amplifier. Naturally it would be free of charge since it is Comcast's fault that its signal is weak. The days of a $25 fee for such a thing would be long gone.

Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody

Today Comcast hurts all kinds of people daily by taking their money and wasting their time related to service outages and billing mistakes and screwed up installs.

When it came to billing mistakes or outages Audrey would make sure her company said it was sorry if it screwed up. Customers wouldn't be required to make repeated phone calls and negotiate a convoluted automated system only to end up being put on hold and then disconnected after waiting 15 minutes, or worse, after explaining the problem in painstaking detail to a customer rep only to get disconnected because the rep accidentally hit the wrong button. No, customers would get a credit on the spot and would receive a follow-up personal phone call and an apology. Maybe they'd get a free screening of "Annie" on HBO or something too. The possibilities, again, would be endless.

And for an install Audrey would grant customers a specific time of day. Not a four-hour window that turns into a six-hour window that turns into a no-show -- a reliable time that would mean her customers wouldn't have to take a full vacation day from pre-school in order to be at home in the event the Comcast guy actually decided to show up.

And if the install guy screws up the install because he's a moron and then has to book another appointment with you to waste more of your time, Audrey would instead make sure Comcast dispatched a smarter service technician who understands today's modern home entertainment setups and would do it at a time convenient for you. Not to mention providing a billing credit and a phone call to apologize and all that good stuff I said before.

Don't take things that aren't yours

Refer to the above. As in my time and money. Audrey's Comcast would only spend your time and collect your money if you were a happy customer.

Clean up your own mess

During installs Comcast technicians tend to leave a mess of cable clippings and other crap lying around. Audrey's company wouldn't permit that at all. The rep would pick up after himself and if he didn't do so to your satisfaction he'd come right back out and make it right.

Don't hit people

This one's for me. I am tempted to hit people from Comcast so I need to keep reminding myself about this.

Learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some

The operative words her are learn and think. I don't believe today's Comcast management does much of either one. And frankly I hope they go draw and paint and sing and dance and play because with all the pissed off customers they deal with every day they'd surely need an outlet.

Flush

I doubt Comcast management does much of this either. Gross.

Take a nap every afternoon

Ah ha! That's what management is spending its time doing.

Be aware of wonder

This could be the crux of the issue. There is no wondrousness (if that's a word) to Comcast. It is a big, boring, bully of a company. Which is exactly why Audrey might be a perfect fit to run the place. A child is full of wonder. She could bring imagination and creativity to the products and create a customer experience that is good, maybe even pleasant. People would marvel at Comcast and its quality as a company and employees would gush about working there. 

But no matter. That's all fantasy and I don't want Audrey working at Comcast because, like I said, she's way too smart.

Moments

Holy crap.

I've been trying to re-format my blog and it's incredibly trying. I swear I'm doing things right but when I hit the "refresh" button... well... it just doesn't quite work. But I'm getting there.

Do you like the lollipops?

There's a definite tradeoff between coding and writing. I much prefer the latter and will leave the former to all the geeks out there when I'm able.

Anyway I could continue on for days about dealing with five kids in a household when you only have two of your own. (See the prior post here.) It's like going from zero to sixty in three seconds. Like eating a 16 oz. steak when you've been a vegetarian for five years. LIke running a marathon when you've only trained for a 5k. LIke jumping out of an airplane with no parachute. Well, maybe not the last thing. But you get it.

I want to tell you this: that Audrey is sleeping in her own bed and going to bed at 8pm or so for the first time in a long time. There was a bit of a co-dependent relationship going on where she wanted to sleep in our bed and we'd let her sleep in ours because we didn't want to deal with the problems it would cause if we said "no" and ultimately we kind of liked having her sleep there because, after all, she's three and when on earth during the rest of our lives are we going to be able to sleep next to our precious daughter than now? Soon she'll be dissing us in favor of being independent.

But in the end it is good. Routine is good. And I can tell she's happier for having a routine.

Meanwhile Grace has moved on to hemp milk from formula as of two days ago. You're going to say, "hemp milk?" Yes, you heard me. And it has no THC for those wondering. None. Cow milk is ok but kind of gross when you really boil it down (don't really boil it). Hemp milk is full of good things for a kid and you can check it out at Whole Foods and it's much less expensive than formula. Grace is still adjusting but she'll get used to it.

Grace also likes so say, "Noooooooo," in the cutest little voice. I wouldn't normally like her saying "no" but it's so fun to hear her say it that I don't mind. Generally it's when something pisses her off and I'm in favor of her standing up for herself, even if it's against me.

Audrey said to me today: "Dad, your yellow chapstick is like Emily's." "Really?" I said. "Who's Emily?" She reminded me that Emily was our babysitter from more than a year ago. "You remember her chapstick?" I asked. "Yes!" she said. "It was exactly like the one you just bought." 

This detail is one nobody would normally remember. My father, after spending a couple days around Audrey a couple weeks ago, asked me, "Do you think Audrey has a photographic memory?" Apparently he had experienced the same sort of thing. It is certainly possible - I've never met anyone, including any kids, who can remember things like she does. Except maybe my wife.

I'm trying to learn to live in the moment so I can really appreciate all these things. The chaos of watching others' kids. The evolution of a baby who drinks breast milk and then formula and then milk you buy at the store. The verbal and cognitive progressions. The times your child impresses you beyond words. 

Because it is easy to neglect them. And in time these moments will be forgotten.

One man and five babies

Actually it was two men and two women and five babies. And now it's one man and two women and five babies. And tomorrow it will be one man and one woman and five babies. And I'm worried it might become one man and five babies if my wife deserts. And she might. But then on Sunday it will be back to the first part - two men and two women and five babies.

Surely you are confused so let me explain. We are hosting some friends from Chicago who are in town for a friend's wedding in Beaver Creek. They have three boys and we have two girls which makes five babies total. I use babies as a generic term here because they range from one year old to four but no matter.

I have never had five babies in my household before, much less three boys. I am a dad to two girls - what can I say? Boys are different. They like things like swords and knives and skateboards and Sponge Bob Squarepants. My girls like none of that stuff. So it's a dichotomy for sure. But I think it challenges my girls.

Grace has her hands full with a baby named Blaise for example. He is roughly 18 months as I recall and this evening he was busy taking her pacifier away while climbing on a wooden bench we have in our house. Grace wanted his sippy cup and she got ahold of it and when she did I helped negotiate a trade - the pacifier for the sippy cup. And Blasie obliged. Good kid.

UPDATE: The day after I posted this Blaise took to something I couldn't really tolerate. At meal time, with Grace sitting in her high chair and feet exposed below, Blaise would walk up and chomp down on her little toes and she'd scream. And he wouldn't let go until I grabbed him and poor little Gracie would be shedding all kinds of tears. He did this several times, fortunately never breaking the skin. I still think Blaise is a good kid - he'll learn. He's tough because he's got two older brothers beating on him all the time.

Audrey is busy with Luke and Hunter who are a little bit older than she is but not by a bunch. They are special to us because I used to feed them bottles when they were *little* babies. Now they are big and can run around and play and talk. And since Audrey can do the same they are like three peas in a pod. The screaming in our basement when they are all running around chasing each other is a sound to behold but the mess left over leaves you scratching your head. At least they are having fun.

Back to the explanation - the boys' daddy left for the wedding this morning. So we're down one. And the boys' mommy leaves tomorrow afternoon for the wedding so we'll be down two. And then it's up to me and my better half to watch five kids for a day or so, which should be really good birth control I figure. Although according to our babysitter from Wednesday night when the adults went out it wasn't birth control at all; on the contrary, she said taking care of all five made her want to have kids (she is single).

There is constant chaos and there is always a mess somewhere but the crux of it is that everyone's schedule is thrown off. Grace and Audrey won't go to bed at their normal times at all. Forget about 8pm or so. Tonight Grace went down at 9:30; Audrey at 11:00. Before you tell me we're not being good parents let me say this - there is so much noise amongst the five that even you couldn't go to sleep until things quieted down. And quieting down amongst a group of kids is like game theory - "I am not going to stop being loud because you won't, so why should I?" And vice versa. And hence things perpetuate until the kids hit the wall so hard that they can't stay awake. And by then all the alone time that the adults hoped for is spent and then the adults stay up too late drinking wine and talking because they need their time too.

But it's all in good fun and for my wife and I it's great to see old friends. In the news next week is more company from California coming to visit with their two kids. Perhaps we should open a bed and breakfast.