When two people who have infants talk with each other inevitably the question get asked about how much sleep each is getting. Each pretends to be excited or disappointed about the other's plight based on some mental yardstick about how long an infant of a given age ought to sleep.
Parent 1: "Our 3-month-old wakes up every 3-4 hours. My wife and I alternate shifts."
Parent 2: "Wow! That's great. Ours is the same age and still keeps us up at all hours of the night." Parent 1 then frowns knowingly and offers condolences.
And when someone without kids is inquiring about how much sleep a new parent is getting, he invariably says something stupid like, "Not getting much sleep these days, huh? I just don't think I'm ready for kids."
The response you'd like to give is, "You'll never be ready with an attitude like that, you moron," but instead you say something like, "It's not too bad. You just adjust."
Well, Grace, at 4 months of age, did 9 hours straight last night - 10pm to 7am and not a peep. It was so strange I had to get up twice just to make sure I heard breathing. Finally she squawked this morning because she was hungry, but this was a milestone. The 11-hour mark, where most babies seem to plateau, might not be too far off.
Now, when another parent asks me how much sleep I'm getting, I can just respond, "More than the needed 8 hours, as a matter of fact. Grace went for 9 straight the other night." And when a non-parent asks I can just say, "Actually, I'm probably getting more than you - 9 hours last time I checked. You look tired, by the way."
There's lots of this kind of posturing that goes on when you have little kids. Take school as another example. Getting into preschool in San Francisco, where we used to live, is a nightmare. Parents literally begin applying and greasing the wheels of their babies' educations before they are even born. This is preschool - not high school or college where'd you'd normally expect this sort of behavior.
Parent 1, who just moved to San Francisco and has a 6-month-old: "I just haven't had the time yet to explore preschool options. What are you planning to do?"
Parent 2, whose anal-retentiveness sparked her to apply to 10 preschools the day she realized she was pregnant: (Gasp) "Well, here are the ones we're being considered at: (she lists them in order of prestige). We find out next month. I would probably look at options outside the city if I were you. Or maybe you can get on a waiting list?" Meanwhile this parent is really telling Parent 1 she doesn't have a prayer.
You get lucky sometimes - we started a little late and got Audrey into a San Francisco preschool that was perfect for her. Problem for us was we moved to Boulder after her first year and had to go through it again. Fortunately Boulder isn't quite as difficult but is a desired place to live and therefore still challenging.
Audrey's class is one filled mainly with 3-year-olds. The fact that she's not yet 3 isn't a big deal to us but it sure is to some parents. (I'd like to say it's because she's brilliant but in reality it's just the way it worked out.) We once attended a school event and somehow Audrey's age came up. The woman my wife was talking to, whose child is 3, suddenly stopped mid-conversation. Her demeanor changed, she determined she had something more important to do and then walked off. Maybe it was to enroll her child somewhere else.
This posturing happens with other things too. Parents ask each other: When did Rachel start talking? How old was Steve when he started potty training? Did Beth start to walk before she was 1? Seems like idle conversation but questions like these are asked so a parent can assess how her kid stacks up, even if the information has little bearing on the development and future success of her child. The right answer will create pleasure, and a wrong answer will just prompt that parent to keep asking the question of others until she discovers a child of lesser status.
I don't have to worry about that because I have a child who sleeps 9 hours at 4 months. I can't wait until she starts walking and talking before all the other kids.
